Periphery
You were just in the periphery
Of my vision with that boyish smile
And it may have been awhile
But it wasn’t any kind of mystery
I wanted you and you wanted me
Both of us ready to get out of this town
So it made sense not to mess around
Skipping all the games and call waiting
Yeah, it was supposed to stay simple
But something about the way
You said everything in a new way
Made me stop and stare for a little
Yeah, you were just in the periphery
Of my vision with that boyish smile
But you like to go that extra mile
You didn’t warn me to be weary
‘Cause you’re good at what you do
And I haven’t got much grace
When I’m trying not to lose face
And pretend that I don’t need you
Yeah, it was supposed to stay cool
But I hate to admit that falling
Is simple when you start calling
And gravity is centered around you
Your were just in the periphery
Of my vision with that boyish smile
Sure wish you’d stay awhile
And keep on sharing it with me
Where does your faith lie?
You look at me with those skeptic’s eyes
You ask me where does my faith lie?
In what god’s hands have I placed my life?
In which set of rules have I found my guide
In your mind spirituality is defined
By the conventions your daddy outlined
You’ve let religion’s laws take the lead
Instead of being something you simply have
It’s something you need
Where does my faith lie?
In the loved that I’ve learned
The love given and taken
Both the love that is free and that which is earned
I have faith in what connects you to me
As my sister, my brother
As part of humanity
I have faith in the sun everyday
Reaching the mid sky at noon
I have faith in the tide
Changing with the cycles of the moon
I have faith in the beauty of a terrifying storm
And that after the long dark rain
The sky will brighten soon
Living and dying
Loving and growing
Life
That is where my faith lies
Companion
So this poem is super cheesy and super cliched, but I like it anyways...
Oh, and it is dedicated to my sister Jessica
--------
Sad girl
come and walk by my side
let me be your companion
through this difficult time
Sweet girl
the tears in your eyes
are keeping your blinded
to the beauty inside
inside of your heart
inside of your soul
the kind of beauty
that makes the world grow
silly girl
fold your hand into mine
feel the love of the world
pulsing there in your life
the world needs your voice
the world needs your hands
'cause the strength you possess
is high in demand
sad girl
when it gets hard to show
that strength with which you guide
remember love, you are never alone
you are loved for your rights
you are loved for your wrongs
for you teach all of us
how to carry on
sister
come and walk by my side
let me be your companion
through this difficult time
A thankyou and apology in the form of a rant
I'm in awe today
at the subtle way
your faults somehow became
my fault
And it's great that I know
from that letter you wrote
but my friend, you could've just
said so
You could've grown a pair
not been so scared
acted your age
said it to my face
since I thought that as friends
thats the way you begin
to make things better
not with a letter
but a real conversation
to work out frustration
to see the other's perspective
and show a little respect
for one another like adults
and not like we're stuck
in some high school t.v. drama
But I thank you for your honesty
no matter however you told me
because, well, you can't fix a problem
you can't see
So I'm here to apologize
while looking you in the eyes
a respect I hope you'll give me
the next time
Can't you see?
Can’t you see?
I’m searching searching searching
for the right thing to say
and I’m looking looking looking
for the better way
but I just can’t seem to choose
the right thing to do
the winning move
I just seem to lose lose lose
and I don’t know what to say anymore
to the people I adore
cause my love is flawed and flaky
my knees are weak and shaky
and I’m just to scared and sore
sore like my hearts been blinded
and bumping into things
sore cause I haven’t minded
surrendering it to a beating
cause I don’t know what I deserve
or what I am even worth
the only thing I’m sure
is that I hurt hurt hurt
and I don’t know who to tell anymore
of the people I want to trust
cause I’ve lost all the connections
they make no room for corrections
and every try is a bust
Can’t you see?
when you cry cry cry
the world comes knocking on your door
and I try try try
the way I was before
to be there holding your hand
pulling you out of that quicksand
and helping you stand
the best that I can can can
Can’t you see?
I’m searching searching searching
for the way out of this hole
I’m looking looking looking
for a door to the outside world
I’m trying to get through this downhill slide
and I’m not sure how high I can climb
with no one on my side
but I’ve just got to try try try
Fucked
This is dedicated to my "friend" Raimar Rivera... may he learn that "It takes a good deal of character to judge a person by his future instead of his past."
...
I’m fucked up
I’d like you to know
It’s no big secret
Yeah, I already know
How fucked up I am
I fucked up
Maybe it don’t show
Cause I’m supposed to be strong
But yeah, I know
How I fucked up
You want to make me feel like shit?
Like the gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe
Like the dirt ground into the gum
that you just can’t scrape off
Well don’t worry brother
Cause there’s no way that it
Is gonna make me feel worse than I do
I might has well have gotten a gun
And shot myself in the heart
I am my own worst enemy
And my fuck-ups are the weapons
That I use against myself
And I know what judgment is
Cause I’m my own jury
And I’ve given myself the death sentence
Finally
So don’t worry brother
I’m not gonna deny
I’m not gonna fight back
So be a big boy
And I’ll be a big girl
Come tell me to my face
Just how fucked up I am
And you can join my little club
And we can all talk
About how fucked up I am
I'm getting out there...
So, current project is: saving money and completing applications for study abroad. I am applying for scholarships out the butt and researching programs for the summer and my senior academic year. Think I've figured out which ones I want to do too....
For next summer I am going to do a 12 week program at Pontifical Catholic University of Valparaíso. It's in Chile and it looks gorgeous and it's supposed to be a really great university. Here are some pictures:
For the academic year my top choice is Complutense in Madrid. Cross your fingers for my, its really competitive...
I'm so excited and it's completely motivating to stay on top of my school work, I mean, no that I wouldn't be anyways...
